• Waiting……

    Waiting is a funny thing isn’t it. In our culture we have such a propensity to just hurry everything along. So here I am- just waiting. I’ve known now for over 3 weeks that I’m carrying a baby that is no longer alive; however, my body still has no clue. I still look pregnant, I still feel pregnant, with absolutely no signs that my body will be done carrying anytime soon. My midwives have given me full power in making any and all decisions I have wanted to during this process.

    Here is what I’m learning- there is no right answer. DNC? Accupunture? Waiting? None of it seems “right” or appropriate. One day I just want to be done with all of this and move on with my life, and the next day I’m cherishing any days I have with this baby as I know they are the last. Most days I keep thinking; this is all just a bad dream and someone got it wrong. With everything layer we unfold the more we find. Guess what- it was a little GIRL. Man was I wrong, and SO shocked. I thought knowing would help me heal, when it just dug deeper into the wound of what could have been. Norah would have had a sister. Baby had no genetic issues, so, what happened? I think it’s easy to want to blame ourselves. This was my third pregnancy- I ate soft cheese, lunch meat, and sushi. I didn’t follow the rules, I forgot to take my progesterone- but you can’t blame yourself.

    Everyday is a new day, every day we feel new things. Most days I can’t wait for this all to be over, but for now we wait. VBACs, birth doula, childbirth education, longmont, boulder, birth doula services, ob, midwife, hospital, labor, birth, pregnancy

One Responseso far.

  1. Ranelle says:

    Yes, waiting is a funny thing. Hugs in the journey and know that you are not alone. Love you

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